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Hi there.
This is access only, but if you comment here or subscribe to me, I will probably give you access.
I write a lot about heavy stuff (my general anxiety, how therapy is going, how I'm coping at work, my spouse's health issues, etc.)
But I'm also a nature lover and live somewhere with four seasons, all of which I am deeply in love with. When I'm doing better, that tends to reflect in my writing. I live with two small dogs who largely dictate my daily schedules outside work. Usually I don't really mention them. I'm bisexual, and that wouldn't matter except I was in a long relationship with a man until I ended it a few years back, and I'm still processing it (among other things). I came out of the closet and promptly met and fell madly in love with my now spouse (a gorgeous, intelligent, amazing androgynous person). Oops. I prefer to say I'm queer, though, because people have this notion about gender as a binary, and get confused about bisexuality because of that. My spouse doesn't prefer they/them/theirs pronouns, but they feel so far those are the best pronouns they've got, so that's what we're going with.
The thing about a dog
Mar. 29th, 2018 02:31 amIs not being able to sleep at night,so you toss and turn. Then your toes stick out from underneath your cover. And you feel them run through the dog's warm coat, feel his side rise and fall as he snores quietly, curled up in a ball.
Focus on your toes surrounded by soft and warm. Think about that dog's face.
Fall asleep.
Focus on your toes surrounded by soft and warm. Think about that dog's face.
Fall asleep.
Words in the snow
Mar. 28th, 2018 10:38 pmLately someone has been writing graffiti in a bank of snow near our house. I go by it every night, walking the dogs, to check out what they had to say that day.
The first time it was a bunch of dick pics and "sex" written multiple times. I smudged it all out and wrote "love" instead, hah.
Once someone had written "paska" - shit - so I smudged that out and wrote "paras" - best - instead. Yeah I'm an asshole like that.
Tonight someone had written "angry", so I got concerned. After a moment of hesitation I wrote "I get it." above the text. And then "Puhu" - talk.
Of course *then* I walked further and saw they'd also written love, hate, pretty, eye, nose, fish, cat, door, the sun, snow, red, blue, grey, green, white, cool, ugly and STOP.
The first time it was a bunch of dick pics and "sex" written multiple times. I smudged it all out and wrote "love" instead, hah.
Once someone had written "paska" - shit - so I smudged that out and wrote "paras" - best - instead. Yeah I'm an asshole like that.
Tonight someone had written "angry", so I got concerned. After a moment of hesitation I wrote "I get it." above the text. And then "Puhu" - talk.
Of course *then* I walked further and saw they'd also written love, hate, pretty, eye, nose, fish, cat, door, the sun, snow, red, blue, grey, green, white, cool, ugly and STOP.
Getting started
Mar. 28th, 2018 10:44 amSo it looks like my current internet home is shutting down, and anyway, even if it doesn't, I've decided I don't want to stay committed to a site that might go down anytime because it's run by one person.
I used to live over at LiveJournal when I was 14-23, then spent the next 7 years at different diary sites. I never found out about this place until yesterday when my spouse mentioned that there was a "spin off" site from LJ because of the Russian bigotry laws sinking its claws into LJ.
I guess first order of business is to go out and find like-minded people... When I was a child, I kept a traditional diary, and I remember how it felt both secure to write about my innermost secrets, and not secure at all, so I wrote in coded phrases I could hardly parse myself a year later. These days I find myself mostly writing a diary in hopes of getting some compassion and camaraderie, though it does come with the added benefit of clearing my head. So now that my old circle of friends is mostly gone with my old site (though I live in hope that some of them might come here, too...) it feels odd to write this.
I used to live over at LiveJournal when I was 14-23, then spent the next 7 years at different diary sites. I never found out about this place until yesterday when my spouse mentioned that there was a "spin off" site from LJ because of the Russian bigotry laws sinking its claws into LJ.
I guess first order of business is to go out and find like-minded people... When I was a child, I kept a traditional diary, and I remember how it felt both secure to write about my innermost secrets, and not secure at all, so I wrote in coded phrases I could hardly parse myself a year later. These days I find myself mostly writing a diary in hopes of getting some compassion and camaraderie, though it does come with the added benefit of clearing my head. So now that my old circle of friends is mostly gone with my old site (though I live in hope that some of them might come here, too...) it feels odd to write this.
